I have collected þeſe rules from ſeveral ſources, including How to Write Good by Frank L. Visco, Fumble-Rules by William Safire, and ſe Creative Teaching Website by Robert Morgan, as well as a few of my own. Pleaſe do not confuſe any of þeſe tips for rules - moſt of þem are purely tips for good ſtyle, and þoſe þat are rules were made to be broken. Juſt break þem ſtyliſhly, pleaſe.

  1. Always avoid annoyïng alliteration.
  2. Prepoſitions are not good words to end ſentences wiþ.
  3. Avoid clichés like þe plague. (Þey’re old hat.)
  4. Employ þe vernacular.
  5. Eſchew ampersands & abbrvs., etc.
  6. Parenþetical remarks (howëver relevant) are unneceſsary.
  7. It is wrong to ever ſplit an infinitive.
  8. Contractions aren’t neceſsary and ſhouldn’t be ūſd, ſo don’t.
  9. Foreign words and phraſes are not à propos.
  10. One ſhould never generaliſe.
  11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once ſaid: “I hate quotations. Tell me what You know.”
  12. Compariſons are as bad as clichés.
  13. Don’t be redundant; don’t uſe more words þan neceſsary; it’s highly ſuperfluous and can be exceſsive.
  14. Alſo too, never, ever uſe repetitive redundancys endleſsly over and over and over again.
  15. Profanity ſucks.
  16. Be more or leſs ſpecific.
  17. Underſtatement is always beſt.
  18. Exaggeration is a billion times worſe þan underſtatement.
  19. If You’ve heard it once, You’ve heard it a billion times: Reſiſt hyperbole. Not one writer in a million can uſe it correctly.
  20. One-word ſentences? Eliminate.
  21. Analogys in writing are like feaþers on a ſnake.
  22. Þe paſsive voice is to be avoided.
  23. Go around þe barn at high noon to avoid colloquialiſms.
  24. Even if a mixed metaphor ſings, it ſhould be derailed.
  25. Who needs rhetorical queſtions?
  26. Verbs has to agree wiþ þeir ſubjects.
  27. And don’t ſtart a ſentence wiþ a conjunxion.
  28. No ſentence fragments.
  29. Never uſe no double negatives.
  30. Never uſe a big word when a diminutive one would ſuffice.
  31. Don’t overuſe exclamation points!!!
  32. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  33. All ſpelling and grammar rules have exceptions, wiþ a few exceptions.
  34. Proofread carefully to ſee if You’ve any words out.
  35. Proofread carefully to make ſure You don’t repeat repeat any words.
  36. When numbering in a document, check Your numbering ſyſtem carefully.
  37. In Engliſh, unlike German, þe verb, early in þe ſentence, not later, ſhould be placed.
  38. Your writing will look poorly if You misuſe adverbs.
  39. Don’t try to be too cool wiþ ſlang You ain’t hip to, poſer.
  40. If You muſt uſe ſlang, it’s groovy to avoid out-of-date ſlang, Daddy-o. Right on!
  41. Þe daſh - a ſometimes uſeful punctuation mark - can often be overūſd - even þough it’s a helpful tool - ſome of þe time.
  42. In good writing, under normal circumſtances, whenever You can, uſe prepoſitional phraſes in limited numbers and wiþ great caution.
  43. Avoid going out on tangents unrelated to Your ſubject - not þe ſubject of a ſentence, þat is, which would uſually be in þe nominative caſe - but þat’s anoþer ſtory (like þe ſtorys written by Ernest Hemmingway, who, by þe way, wrote þe great fiſherman ſtory The Old Man and the Sea, which later became a movy, like many Stephen King novels, ſome of which can be pretty ſcary).
  44. Complete ſentences. Like rule 28.
  45. In writing, it’s important to remember þat dangling ſentences.