I have long been underwhelmd wiþ many of þe recent changes in þē engliſh language, and i have developt þe following plan to correct it. One might aſk me, “And who are You to propoſe ſuch a þing? What buſineſs is it of Yours to reform a language, eſpecially after Your vehement oppoſition to þe recent reformation of þe german tongue after þe Rechtſchreibreform?”

And i would anſwer þat actually þe two caſes are not ſo different; þat german ūſd to have a beautiful and æſþetic orþography, as did engliſh, and boþ languages have been reformd away over þe centurys, weeding out every laſt bit of æſþetic joy and replacing it wiþ ſo much unſpeakable manure.

Actually, i have invented ſeveral different plans for þe reformation of þe language, but þis is þe moſt reäliſtic in terms of implementation, and as fond as i am of my “nú iŋglic órþágrafí,” it is not terribly practical in everyday terms, and bears little reſemblance to its forebears.

My propoſal is þe following:

01.     Spelling

a.        Bring back þe letter þorn (Þ, þ) for regular uſe, poſsibly ſupplemented by eð (Ð, ð).

i.         Þ (þ) ſhall repreſent þē unvoiſt dental fricative (θ).

ii.        Ð (ð) ſhall repreſent þe voiſt dental fricative if it is to be ūſd; however, conſidering þat ſeveral centurys of þe uſe of þat great waſte of paper þat is “th,” þe two ſounds have become fūſd in þē anglo mind, and þ ſhould ſuffice for bōþ ſounds.  Þis propoſal ſhall proceed on þe premiſe þat ð will not be ūſd in engliſh orþography except for academic purpoſes, excepting þe notes in ſexion 01·a·iii, which follows.

·           norðern or norþern

·           wiþ or wið (depending on context)

·           oðer or oþer

·           baðe or baþe

·           weaðer or weaþer

iii.      If in þe future þe letter eð ſhould be reïncorporated into þē engliſh language, þ ſhall ſtill be ūſd to repreſent a voiſt dental fricative when in initial poſition, in accordance wiþ þe rules of Angloſaxon, Icelandic, Old Norſe, &c.  Þe following words and þeir derivations would þereby be affected:

·           than → ðan → þan                                              ·       theſe → ðeſe → þeſe

·           that → ðat → þat                                                 ·       they → ðey → þey

·           the → ðe → þe                                                     ·       thine → ðine → þine

·           thee → ðee → þee                                               ·       this → ðis → þis

·           their → ðeir → þeir                                              ·       thither → ðiðer → þiðer or þiþer

·           theirs → ðeirs → þeirs                                        ·       thonder → ðonder → þonder

·           them → ðem → þem                                            ·       though → ðough → þough

·           then → ðen → þen                                              ·       thoſe → ðoſe → þoſe

·           thence → ðence → þence                                  ·       thou → ðou → þou

·           there → ðere → þere                                           ·       thy → ðy → þy

iv.      Words of foreign origin may retain þe “th” combination, alþough greek words ſhould retain þ (in appreciation of θ).

·           beethovenèsque

·           neänderthal

·           thoreauvian

·           misanþropic

·           orþography

v.       In caſes where þe “th” combination is not pronounſt as a dental fricative (θ/ð) (uſually an unvoiſt alveolar ploſive (t), moſtly in proper names), þ ſhall not be ūſd, as well as in caſes where boþ þe t and h are pronounſt ſeparately.

·           Thailand

·           Thomas

·           hathook

·           potholder

·           sweetheart

b.       Bring back þe high S for uſe in initial and medial poſitions, as it was ūſd in old engliſh and even modern engliſh up until þe 19þ century, as well as many oþer languages ſuch as þe german Fraktur, which perſiſted until þe mid-20þ century.  Þe rules of þe long S ſhall remain þe ſame, with a few ſmall differences.

i.         Uſe þe high S in þē initial or medial poſition.

·           ſo

·           ſeiſmograph

·           microſcope

ii.        Uſe þe ſhort S in þe final poſition or at þē end of compound word ſexions.

·           compaſs

·           gastank

·           claſsroom

iii.      Uſe boþ þe high and ſhort S, reſpectively, when doubled, unleſs þe firſt S is þē end of a compound, in which caſe þeir order is reverſt.

·           poſseſsion

·           croſsſexions

·           gasſtations

·           transſexual

iv.      Words of foreign origin, wiþ þē exception of þoſe from languages uſing the high S, ſuch as german, ſhall be written wiþout þe high S.  Þe high S ſhall not be ūſd in ſciëntific nomenclature.  Foreign words which have been þoroughly aſsimilated into þe language may be written eiþer way.

·           Pseudotropheus

·           angſt or angst

·           mælstrøm or mælſtrœm

·           raison d’être

·           glasnost

v.       Contraxions in which þe firſt ſegment ends with S ſhall uſe þe ſhort S.

·           dosn’t

·           hasn’t

·           isn’t

·           wasn’t

vi.      Prefixes ending in S ſhall uſe þe ſhort S. (dis-, dys-, mis-, trans-.)

·           transliterate

·           dislocate

·           dysfunctional

·           misappropriate

c.        In words of foreign origin where e or o has been ſubſtituted for ae or oe (particularly in american engliſh), e or o ſhall be reſtord to æ or œ, reſpectively, except in þe caſe of ſciëntific nomenclature, where þey ſhall be written wiþout ligature.

·           æſþetic                                                                   ·       fœtus

·           europæan                                                              ·       œconomy

·           mediæval                                                               ·       manœuvre

·           encyclopædia                                                       ·       phœnetic

·           Phalaenopsis                                                        ·       foenum-graecum

d.       Þe uſe of triple letters ſhall be allowd in certain circumſtances. (And þis gos for german as well!  Þis is one of þe few exceptions to my oppoſition of þe Rechtſchreibreform.) Currently þis is avoided in engliſh by hyphenation of moſt compound words. (See ſexions 01·b·iii and 01·e for more information about hyphenation.)

i.         Compound words.

·           croſsſexion                                                            ·       Balletttanzer

·           flufffilling                                                               ·       Brennneſſel

·           helllike                                                                    ·       dennnoch

·           lakeëel                                                                    ·       Roſsſchlächterei (Roßſchlächterei)

·           princeſsſhip                                                           ·       Schifffahrt

ii.        For þe ſake of clarity.

·           ſeeër

·           dullly

·           þreeëighths

e.        Inflexion.

i.         Drop unneceſsary ſilent –e in noun plurals ending wiþ –o.

·           potatos

·           heros

·           buffalos

·           embargos

·           archipelagos

ii.        Drop unneceſsary ſilent (or “diacritic”) –e in inflected verbs, particularly þē –ed of þe paſt tenſe and paſt participle.

·           dreamd or dreamt

·           ſtayd

·           longd

·           preſervd

·           amāzd

α.     Þē –e– ſhall be preſervd if it is neceſsary to ſoften a g.

·           caged

·           maſsaged

·           auſsuaged

β.     Þē –e– ſhall be preſervd if it follows þree or more conſonants.

·           bottled

·           centred

·           doubled

γ.     When þē –e– is preſent for þe purpoſe of lengþening a vowel (þe “diacritic” e), it ſhall be dropt and þe vowel ſhall be overſtricken wiþ a macron. (Originally þis was not þe plan, but, due to a complication encounterd in ſexion 01·d·iii·α, i revīſd þis ſexion, as i found it raþer a nice twiſt.) (I am conſidering expanding on þis ideä to include all diacritic Es, i.e. inclūd, tāk, smōk, prīd, cēd, &c.)

·           dōzd

·           amāzd

·           līnd

iii.      Drop diacritic –e– from þe preſent tenſe þird perſon ſingular conjugation if it dos not occur in þe uninflected form.

·           go → goes → gos

·           do → does → dos

-BUT-                                                                    

·           take → takes (uninflected form has –e.)

·           catch → catches (–e– is not diacritic.)

iv.      Paſt participles or tenſes of verbs whoſe root ends in an unvoiſt conſonant except –t (i.e. –p, –[c]k, –x, –f, –þ, –s, –ſh, – [t]ch) ſhall mutate to –t as it dos in ſpeech, and þe ending root vowel ſhall not be doubled.

·           fixt

·           miſst

·           ſtopt

·           talkt

·           twitcht

α.     In þe caſe of a final ſoft c, we have a dilemma.  At firſt, i made þis rule þe ſame as 01·d·ii·α for g, however, þis looks awkward in practice (take “dance,” for example: dancet)  Þe logical ſolution, of courſe, is to follow þe lead of þe french, portugueſe, and various oþer (moſtly latin) languages: ç (dançt).  I feel, however, þat þis brings a different, raþer “ungermanic” feel to þe language, and one þat i don’t particularly like.  Þe only alternative i ſee is to uſe a ſimple ſ-mutation, which is already raþer common in american engliſh for words þat don’t even have a reaſon for it! (I.e. licenſe.  See 01·f·i)  Þis in turn leaves us wiþ yet an oþer problem, which ſhall be handled in ſexion β.

·           dance → danſt

·           malice → maliſt

·           voice → voiſt

β.     So þe problem reard its ugly head of what to do wiþ þe c-to-s mutation when þe ſilent –e acts not only to ſoften þe c but alſo to lengþen a vowel before it. For a ſolution, i turnd to our angloſaxon forebears: þe macron.  See ſexion 01·d·ii·γ.

·           place → plāſt

·           ſuffice → ſuffīſt

·           deïce → deīſt (or dëīſt?)

v.       Do not mutate a final –y when inflecting nouns, verbs, and adjectives.

·           hurry → hurrys → hurryd

·           penny → pennys

·           try → trys → tryd

α.     When y acts as a vowel, a following vowel (particularly in comparative and ſuperlative adjectives and gerunds) receives a diæreſis, as per þe rules ſet forþ in ſexion 03·a·i.

·       happy → happyër → happyëſt

·       pretty → prettyër → prettyëſt

·       hurryïng, tryïng, dyïng, ſtudyïng

f.         Get rid of much of þe unneceſsary hyphenation in engliſh and replace by eiþer ſeparating compound words or joining þem togeþer.

i.         When two nouns are hyphenated, þey may be joind to form a compound word, alþough þey may alſo be ſeparated to form ſeparate words if boþ words exceed two ſyllables, or are oþerwiſe difficult to read. An unhyphenated compound word may not exceed ſix ſyllables unleſs one of þe words is monoſyllabic. Þe ſtyliſtic rule of a-a and i-i ſhall be repāſt by þe rules of diacritics (3a).

·           croſs-ſexion → croſsſexion

·           window-waſher → windowwaſher or window waſher

·           anti-inflammatory → antiïnflammatory

·           infra-axillary → infraäxillary

ii.        When a verb is preceded by an adverb or adjective and þe pair are ūſd adjectively, hypenation is dropt.

·           well-behāvd → wellbehāvd

·           ill-fated → illfated

·           faſt-acting → faſtacting

·           mild-mannerd → mildmannerd

iii.      In compound doubledigit numbers, þe hyphen is dropt and þe word is compounded.

·           twenty-five → twentyfive

·           ſeventy-ſix → ſeventyſix

·           eighty-one → eightyone

·           two hundred þirty-nine → twohundred þirtynine

iv.      Hyphenation may ſtill be ūſd to indicate an implyd compound word when one part of it ſtands alone, uſually before a conjunxion, and alſo in compound phraſes of þree or more words, uſually ūſd adjectively.

·           good- or badtemperd

·           curtain- and carpetcleaner

·           an all-for-one-and-one-for-all attitude

·           a two-dollar-an-hour raiſe

g.       Words þat are traditionally joind, þough þey ſtill funxion as two separate words, ſhall be divided.

·           anoþer → an oþer

·           cannot → can not

·           neverþeleſs → never þe leſs

·           noneþeleſs → none þe leſs

h.       Some þoughts about brittiſh verſus american engliſh orþography. In moſt caſes, þeſe rules will reflect þe ſource language (uſually latin).

i.         –ce dos not mutate from latin in nouns.

·           licence, but licenced → licenſt.

·           defence

ii.        –is– dos not mutate from latin.

·           reäliſe, reäliſation

·           capitaliſe, capitaliſation

·           auþoriſe, auþoriſation

iii.      –ll–  preferd to –l–  in inflexions. (Þe rules of þis are currently in a ſtrange mix between brittiſh and american. I propoſe þe “always double þe l” rule be implemented.)

·           ful(l)fill

·           ſkillful

·           traveller

·           dialled

iv.      –our preferd to –or.

·           colour

·           favourite

·           honour

v.       –que dos not mutate from latin.

·           cheque

·           banquing

vi.      –re is preferd to –er.

·           þeatre

·           centre

·           novembre

vii.    –x– dos not mutate from latin for –ct–.

·           connexion

·           dixionary

·           reflexion

·           ſexion

viii.       Þe ſuffix –ically ſhall be ūſd only when þē adjective form is –ical.  If þē adjective is –ic, the adverbial form ſhall be –icly.

·           musically                                                               ·       publicly

·           whimsically                                                           ·       clinicly

·           phyſically                                                              ·       ſciëntificly

ix.       Numbers will progreſs in ſets of þree raþer þan ſix, for þe ſake of uniformity.

·       1,000 = one þouſand

·       1,000,000 = one million

·       1,000,000,000 = one billion (not one milliard)

·       1,000,000,000,000 = one trillion (not one billion, &c.)

·       1,000,000,000,000,000 = one quadrillion

·       1,000,000,000,000,000,000 = one quintillion

·       1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 = one ſextillion

·       1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 = one ſeptillion

·       1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 = one octillion

·       1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 = one nontillion

x.        Oþer differences.

·           aging, acing, judgement (after þe rules of ſoft c and g, and diacritic e.)

·           aluminium

·           draught

·           grey

·           plough

·           whiſky

i.         Þe letter y at þē end of a word repreſenting þe long-i ſound (aɪ) ſhall be written excluſively in place of –ie, particularly in words of a ſingle ſyllable.

·           by (no change)

·           die → dy

·           fie → fy

·           fly (no change)

·           fry (no change)

·           lie → ly

·           my (no change)

·           pie → py

·           ply (no change)

·           pry (no change)

·           shy (no change)

·           sly (no change)

·           tie → ty

·           try (no change)

·           þy (no change)

·           vie → vy

·           why (no change)

 

02.     Capitaliſation

a.        Capitaliſe all indicators of þe ſecond perſon.

i.         Singular.

·           Þou

·           Þee

·           Þy

·           Þine

ii.        Plural/Formal.

·           Ye

·           You

·           Your

·           Yours

iii.      Variant forms.

·           Ya

·           Yer

·           Yous

·           Y’all

·           Y’all’s

·           Þa

b.       Drop þe capitaliſation of þe firſt perſon ſingular nominative pronoun.  (Engliſh is þē ony language þat dos þis.  Most languages capitaliſe þe ſecond perſon. It’s a bit egocentric, don’t You þink?)

·           I → i

c.        Drop þe capitaliſation of “improper” nouns.

i.         Names of days.

·           monday

·           tuesday

·           wednesday

·           þursday

·           friday

·           ſaturday

·           ſunday

ii.        Names of monþs

·           january

·           february

·           march

·           april

·           may

·           june

·           july

·           auguſt

·           ſeptembre

·           octobre

·           novembre

·           decembre

iii.      Names of ſeaſons.  (Some þink þis is a rule, alþough i believe þat þe Chicago Manual of Style had rūld þis one out at laſt count.)

·           winter

·           ſpring

·           ſummer

·           fall

·           autumn

·           indian ſummer

iv.      Nationalitys, regionalitys, tribes, and cultures when ūſd as an adjective.

·           chineſe                                                                   ·       hmong

·           american                                                                ·       ſwiſs

·           minneſotan                                                            ·       eurpæan

·           pruſsian                                                                 ·       weſtern

v.       Names of languages.

·           engliſh

·           german

·           french

·           mandarin

·           quetchua

·           proto-indo-europæan

vi.      Names of direxions.  (I þink þe CMoS has outlawd þis one as well.)

·           norþ, norþern, norþerly

·           norþeaſt, norþeaſtern, norþeaſterly

·           eaſt, eaſtern, eaſterly

·           ſouþeaſt, ſouþeaſtern, ſouþeaſterly

·           ſouþ, ſouþern, ſouþerly

·           ſouþweſt, ſouþweſtern, ſouþweſterly

·           weſt, weſtern, weſterly

·           norþweſt, norþweſtern, norþweſterly

03.     Diacritics

a.        Diphþongs versus þe ſeparation of vowels.

i.         When two vowels are pronounſt ſeparately, þey ſhould be ſeparated by a diæreſis (trema, umlaut, double-dot, or whatever You want to call it) if þey would oþerwiſe form a diphþong or be doubled.  Þis is not neceſsary in þe combinations -ia-, -io-, and -iu-.

·           beïng                                                                      ·       noöne

·           coäxial                                                                    ·       poëtic

·           coördinate                                                             ·       preëxiſting

·           creäte                                                                     ·       proäctive

·           deïty                                                                       ·       reünite

·           doïng                                                                      ·       ſeeër

·           extraördinary                                                         ·       anyöne

ii.        When a vowel follows a y or w which is ūſd as a vowel or part of an earlyër diphthong, the following vowel is separated by a diæresis.

·           howëver                                                                 ·       happyër

·           nowädays                                                              ·       relayïng

b.       When a paſt participle is ūſd adjectivally and þē e is pronounſt when ordinarily it would not be, it ſhould receive a grave accent. (It is already ſtyliſticly common to uſe eiþer a grave or acute accent or a diæreſis.)

·           belovèd

·           learnèd

·           ſuppoſèd

·           ſacrèd

·           nakèd

c.        When þe definite article is pronounſt wiþ a long e (before an initial vowel or vowel sound), it ſhall be written þē.

·           þē oþer

·           þē animal

·           þē herbs

d.       When a ſilent e is dropt due to þe rule propōſd in ſexions 01·d·ii·γ and 01·d·iii·β, þe vowel þat it had formerly modifyd gets a macron.

·           clōſd

·           replāſt

·           ſuffīſt

e.        When a word has two different pronunciations depending on accentuation, þe vowel ſhall receive an acute accent if þē accent is on þe final ſyllable.  Uſually when þē accent occurs on þe penultimate ſyllable, þe word is a noun; on þe final, it is a verb.

·           present (noun)                                                      ·       presént (verb)

·           permit (noun)                                                        ·       permít (verb)

·           contest (noun)                                                   &nbs